Umineko no Naku Koro ni - Episode 3: Banquet of the Golden Witch
Umineko WHEN THEY CRY Episode 3: Banquet of the Golden Witch

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Let’s just start off by saying this is in no way, shape, or form a review of the Umineko no Naku Koro ni Episode 3: Banquet of the Golden Witch MANGA, because I haven’t actually read it. Not even a page, not even a panel, not even a cheeky skim online. So if you came here expecting a side by side comparison, deep analysis of paneling, or commentary on how the art adapts certain scenes, yeah nah, soz, wrong place. This is purely coming from someone who has just finished the VN, sat there staring at the screen for a bit afterwards and my mate ... waiting on my crazy review.

And I think that’s important to say, this is like my immediate, post experience reaction where your brain is still trying to process what just happened, but at the same time you already know how you feel about it. It’s raw, it’s unfiltered reaction.

So with that out of the way… here’s the review:

SHIT SLAPS

Yung Sav

P.S Rika the GOAT

Banquet of the Golden Witch is the part where Umineko truly expands, becoming more global in scope and, for many, more dynamic compared to the previous chapters. That said, if I’m being honest, I still like the first part more than the third.

If the biggest issue with the second part was its slow pacing and heavy repetition of the first chapter’s plot, then the third entry is a major improvement in that regard. It stands out significantly, introducing new details, new characters, and further developing the existing ones. For example one of the strengths is how it explores the relationships between the parents, though ironically, ... this is also a weak point—but only in the manga version. I feel that the manga cut a lot of interesting and emotional moments from these interactions.

That being said, the manga does have its advantages. The way it depicts horror elements is fantastic—the grotesque expressions and eerie atmosphere come across much stronger visually. But overall, like the previous parts, the manga still falls short of the visual novel. Yes, it's faster-paced, but come on—Umineko was always meant to be long. Its length was part of its identity. Unlike something like One Piece, where the slow pacing sometimes feels like unnecessary filler, Umineko’s lengthy dialogues made the story feel alive and immersive. Unfortunately, the manga loses this effect, and even the climax of the third chapter felt far more emotional in the visual novel.

And here we return to the same issue that plagued the first two manga adaptations: some moments are too heavily cut, making them lose emotional weight. There’s also another problem, which is a bit tricky to explain, but I’ll try—this part of the manga somehow feels both slow-paced and rushed at the same time. By "rushed," I mean the excessive trimming of important scenes. But by "slow-paced," I mean that despite all these cuts, there’s still a lot of unnecessary fluff that drags on. It’s an odd balance—if they were going to cut down the VN’s slow, dialogues, then they should have gone all the way. Otherwise, it just feels uneven. For those who’ve already read the VN, the manga will still feel like a shortened version. And for those who started with the manga because they didn’t want to read the VN, leaving some moments long while cutting others doesn’t make much sense. Hopefully, you get what I mean.

That said, I still enjoyed this part—it was fun to reread and notice things I missed the first time. The story became even more engaging, the characters were further developed, and their relationships deepened. Even though the atmosphere suffered a little because of these changes, overall, it was still an incredible experience. Final rating: 9/10.

Umineko continues to showcase its utter fraudulence in the face of storytelling. Tell me, if everything the characters do is the result of Beatrice's game, does any of the characters have meaning? If I am watching a Family Guy episode and Peter makes the decision to save his wife instead of his kids but then we find out that the situation itself was staged, would it not make the "character writing" null and void?

The contrivances and nonsense that take place in this episode have peaked past a point of return. Kanon, who has no prior experience fighting, can keep up with an Angel of Death ... using his magical zanpakuto he manifested because of his dick and balls. After Kanon wins his fight, he promptly gets jumped by the rest of the Angels of Death. Kanon is in a dire situation to which Shanon summons a magical danku barrier and saves Kanon's life. How one looks at these FURNITATURE servants use magic and think "this is good" is beyond delusion.

The entire episode is centered on Beatrice's actions and her relationship with Battler-kun. With absolutely no pretense, Battler and Beatrice have a defined rival type of relationship. This notion is completely unfounded because the audience has literally seen Battler stripped buck naked because he cannot win against Beatrice. What type of rivalry results in one party consistently getting out-paced and losing? The type of nonsense logic Umineko absolutely loves to throw in the audience's face. The red herring of "smart" sounding phrases such as "Devil's Proof" and "Hempel's Raven" only serve to implicate the story has more wits to it.

The garbage worldbuilding within episodes 1-3 only serves to promote more contrivances. Apparently, without any setup, Beatrice can use her red command to destroy a witch that is objectively stronger than her. On some JJK shit, Eva Beatrice forgot to "put up a curtain" that will make her magic items impervious to real-life things such as guns and whatnot. Meaning, regular degular humans such as Kyire and Rudolf can fight and win against these trained Angels of Death. Imagine I'm a 16-year-old boy and I'm supposed to fight against Mike Tyson, but, luckily, Mike Tyson forgot to drink water the day of the fight and now I can beat him. It does not make any damn sense. Just because the Angels of Death can be touched, it does NOT mean these regular humans should be able to beat them in a 1v1.

Furthermore, the action in this manga is straight-up terrible. If anyone in their life has read a battle shonen before, it is EXTREMELY easy to see how Umineko shits itself in this department. The action has zero choreography often resulting in thick lines moving across the screen. The dialogue is so unnecessarily corny and cringe, it is like asking your nephew to write what he thinks is cool. Rudolf fighting this 13-year-old-looking Angel of Death and consistently flirting with her while fighting? Heat bro gas fire raw. Kyrie having a "jealously-off" with an Angel of Death whose powers directly come from being jealous? GOAT RAW KINO!!!!!!

In addition to the plot, I would love to touch upon the bigger picture things in episode 3 like how apparently Beatrice was lying to Battler virtually the entire episode. Or how the other witch is manipulating Beatrice but I feel that is above my pay grade for now. Overall, goated manga of course. Either turn off your brain or tune into therapy because there is no way anyone with standards could consider this good.