Back to TheNoo's Profile TheNoo's Profile

Number 9 in my shitty anime review series:
Now THIS is what I'm talking about, ABSOLUTE CINEMA at its finest!

Vampire Holmes is roughly 26 (ignoring the op/ed) minutes of pure MASTERPIECE, straight up deep philosophy that hits hard and keeps pulling at you- "even just one person is difficult to protect" is one of the MANY thought-evoking lines within this gem of a show.

On a serious note: despite its random spouts of nonsense, a poorly thought out plot and clear lack of budget, Vampire Holmes is unironically hilarious, it never takes itself seriously, nor does it expect its audience to- it legitimately exists to be ridiculed ... and taken as a joke. If you come into this expecting anything more than a load of bollocks, I'm not entirely sure what you were expecting and that's now entirely on you.

The animation quality is garbage, it's straight up abysmal, and that, in and of itself, contributes massively to enhancing the viewing experience. By falling nicely into "so bad its good", it makes abundantly clear, that this is PEAK comedy. The opening and ending which blast out and take 1/3 of the runtime, leaving you pondering it's (not) deep lyrics that have genuinely better links to any anime OTHER than this one that it was used for!

Holmes is the based king, constantly seeming like he's doing absolutely nothing, but lazing around, a true inspiration to all! Someone other detectives would bow before if they saw in his greatness! In all seriousness though, his actual design is pretty neat and the character's look fine (it's just that the animation quality on the other hand...).

This is one of the many lowly rated anime that are 100% worth watching due to being ridiculously short, PEAK hidden gems that you could probably finish in the time it takes you to shit.

Remember folks, "Don't worry. Fools don't catch colds."

This is entry number 8 apart of a series in which I must watch low rated anime and then create a positive (recommending review), now onto "Idol Fight Suchie-Pai 2". This anime kind of barely made the cut of low rated anime (closer to a 5, while most are sub 4- sub 4.5 in scoring), and it makes sense why, this is honestly decent (especially when compared to some of the other monstrosities that lie below it).

So, before I mention the actual review, I'd like to note that this OVA is based on a mahjong video game, there are gameplay videos on youtube, but I ... was unable to find much out about the game with a basic search (and although I enjoy going down rabbit holes, this was not one I was willing to go down tonight).

Story (4/10): Honestly, the concept is fine, beat up evil monsters, collect mahjong pieces, get all 10 and you get a wish. However, what drags the OVA down in my opinion, is the constant perspective jumping that makes things rather confusing.

Characters/Designs (7/10): Now here is the key selling point I'm choosing to latch onto for this recommending review- envision this, my friend, have stumbled upon this trodden gem in the depths of MAL, curiously you decide to give it a shot- and it's just 30 minutes of chicks with cool (and typically ridiculous) designs fighting with random powers! The PINNACLE of brain shut-off juice, this is what a true connoisseur lives for! Random maid-dominatrix lady, cat lady, girl who can turn into a rabbit and into a humanoid rabbit!

Animation + OST (6/10): ehh... it's not good, it's not bad, it's just about fine for an older OVA, no qualms or complaints.

Overall (5.5/10): Now, the tricky part about this series of reviews, is that I have to be completely honest with why I'm recommending it- here I think this is honestly worth checking out due to its short length (1, 30 minute episode), and how it's a neat bit of niche gaming history (at the very least from a western background)... plus as I mentioned, girls fighting with random ridiculous powers is hilarious and honestly fun.

Welcome to my 7th review apart of my shitty anime review series.: The infamous Skelter Heaven! This show has somehow garnered the lowest possible score on MAL (in terms of anime), so how in the hell could I possibly recommend it? Well, that's just it - it is *the* lowest rated anime, that's a huge selling point in and of itself.

Skelter Heaven is bad, there's no getting past that, but to be fair to it - it's a 20 minute OVA that doesn't exactly get much time to do itself any justice. So here we go:

OST - 6/10, the best part of this OVA, ... the OST is solid and the opening is alright.

Animation - 2/10, the animation is laughably bad, I mean, the big "villain" of the OVA is the most hilarious, squid-like creature I've ever seen. The mecha suits looked like shit and really put into perspective how god awful animation truly can be. But, hey, it's so bad it's kind of amusing to look at, at the very least.

Characters/Story - ?/10, to be fair, this is so ass it was a struggle to pay attention to. What I can confidently say, is: they sucked. (But, in a way that might make you chuckle).

Overall - 3/10, I'll be honest, writing a positive review for this show is pretty difficult, but since that's the premise of the shitty anime review series, I have to do it. Skelter Heaven is by no means the worst thing I've ever seen and I think it being at the very bottom of the anime scoring on MAL is a bit much all things considered. It's super short and worth checking out for the sake of checking it out.

The 6th review in my series of Shitty Anime reviews: Urda.

Hold the front page, this might be one of the funniest, most nonsensical shows with Nazis in it I've ever seen.

Story: 6/10, I'm not going to go too into detail about this so as to not spoil the whole ***30 minutes*** of fun you need to experience first hand. However, essentially you're introduced to Erna an ex-Nazi turned traitor... the ONA revolves around her trying to get a girl called "Clis/Chris" back home (to the future). As far as historical/WW2 media goes, this is absolutely fucking hilarious. Right up there with Nazi Zombies... as I ... mentioned, the goal is to send "Chris/Clis" back to the future. Yeah, the plot revolves around a NASA spacecraft from the year 2112 that the Nazis are trying to get their hands on, whilst Erna attempts to use it to send "Chris/Clis" home.

Animation: 2/10, and here we have it. The reason to watch this ONA in the flesh... the animation. It's so laughably bad that some of these scenes are more comedic than tense 9 times out of 10. Yes... it is that bad, no there really isn't much going for it here... however, this benefits the show greatly! After all the animation is so god awful that I 100% recommend watching this so you can laugh your head off at some of these scenes.

Characters: 3/10, not much to say, you have Erna, "Chris/Clis", a nazi officer, some more rebels/allies and obviously more random nazis. They're fine... not worth discussing at all, this ONA is literally hilarious and I refuse to take any of these people seriously.

Sound: 5/10, the music was pretty good IMO. No further comment.

Ending: 10/10, this shit is so wild and random you have to watch it to understand the score.

Overall: 4/10, no the ending score did *not* bump this up. From a quality perspective, this ONA is shit... from a "let's review trash" perspective, this is unironically hilarious and worth watching... it's only 30 minutes and to be frank, better than a couple of the other shitty anime I've seen so far in this series of reviews.

Welcome to the 5th review in the shitty anime review series: Dragon Fist is a bloody difficult one. Since the goal is to write positive reviews for all these shows, watching something *so* average there really isn't anything to laugh at it's much harder to recommend.

This is a 40 minute OVA that really doesn't go anywhere spectacular. It's super subpar and honestly rather difficult to say much good about, however, the music in this was pretty nice which was a plus. To further this short chain of positives it's as mentioned- only 40 minutes, which makes it digestible in a short period of time and ... honestly for a super niche random OVA it's possibly worth checking out purely for the fun of it. Another plus would be the style, it looks decent and since it's from the early 90s the animation is fairly decent taking that into account. Characters are another thing... the plot is a bit messy with certain characters being "clones" of the dead originals (this comes up within about 8 minutes), but they're fine, not overly underdeveloped and considering it being a short OVA I wasn't expecting anything too extravagant or remotely close to Light Yagami-esque writing.

Now, a lot of the other reviews for this show are excruciatingly negative, so this one here will act as a small beacon of light. It's not *amazing* by any means, it's not bad either, and for that I think it's honestly worth checking out in between other longer anime watches for a short, more compact story in between something else.

The 4th review in my shitty anime review series. Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned, holy crap I actually enjoyed this one. No caveats, no "get shitfaced", no "watch with a friend", I actually deadass enjoyed "sinking my fangs" into this one.

Story: 8/10, it's a pretty decent vampire story to be fair. Following Dracula as he attempts to protect himself and his wife from Satan, God, and a group of vampire hunters who are all after his life. For the constant absurdities the story spews, it flows surprisingly well and honestly was a joy to watch. Sure some bits felt insane or nonsensical - but, this ... is an anime that does *not* have the "Slice-Of-Life" genre and deals with supernatural creatures and demons, I think it's unfair to slash at the film for something that it clearly *doesn't* need to do.

Characters Design: 8/10, I love Dracula's design, both aesthetically and his actual personality. He comes off as a very tragic figure, being a revived Vlad the Impaler (who in this was a patriotic Ruler who cared and protected his people) cursed with vampirism and immortality. He falls in love with a mortal human and has a child, the wife however was initially the promised bride to Satan and so sparks to plot. Dracula unironically comes off as a great person, he's shown to care deeply for his wife and son, consistently puts himself in harms way to protect others. Sure it's not your conventional Dracula retelling where he's a smug bastard who revels in his power and cares for no-one but himself, but it still holds a certain charm that makes it fun to watch. The other *relevant* characters would be spoilers to the film, so I'll just say while not as developed as the Count himself, they aren't detrimental to the plot and I have no qualms with them.

Animation: 5/10, cut this some slack. "oh it looks choppy, it looks bad" boo fucking hoo, this came out in the 1980s, and it looks pretty goddamn good. If you can't watch something because it's old or whatever, then simply stay away from this to begin with. Otherwise, it doesn't take away from anything, and I'd go as far as to say it's decent considering the age of the film.

Sound: 9/10, the OST in this is amazing. It actively captures the right kind of atmosphere it wants to whenever it tries, sure some sound effects hold me back from giving it a 10, but otherwise it's right up there. The VA is pretty good as well and no complaints there.

Ending: 6/10, honestly I can't say too much here without spoiling it. But, I will say the ending felt a tad bit rushed and kept me from rating it a 9.

Overall: 8/10, this is actually a fun watch. Compared to the other low rated shows I've seen so far, this was actually entertaining without me looking for things to poke fun at. I fully recommend checking this out if you ever get the chance, it's only one and a half hours and it's bloody fun.

Third review in the shitty anime review series: Mars of Destruction, a work of art. You ever asked your mother for McDonald's and then been told you have McDonald's at home? Well let's put it this way - here we have Neon Genesis Evangelion at home, and boy is it hilarious.

Story 2/10, literally nothing to say about this other than they ripped the whole of NGE's plot and made it complete crap. Was it hilarious crap? Hell yeah. Also, complete fun fact, but I counted 3 heads being exploded off (+ 2 almost fully destroyed).

Animation 3/10, christ is the animation ass. But, to be fair, ... it literally adds to how hilarious this crap is. Expecting a well animated death? Nah, head disappears. For that reason, hell yeah this is worth a watch it's fcking hilarious.

Characters 3/10, welcome to Mars Of Destruction - no we did *not* just steal the plot of NGE! Here's offbrand Shinji, Asuka and guess what? Misato to throw in the mix. Now the "ancient" (*cough* angels *cough*) are literally just your typical fodder monster. Shows up with sick laser beams, instakills a ton of people, then for some stupid reason resorts to strangulation when fighting someone relevant! Fun times.

Sound 4/10, honestly the OST was fine. No complaint, just wasn't all that, and the VA was hilarious to hear even in sub.

Overall enjoyment? 10/10, (3/10) absolute cinema. Man I adore watered down NGE, and you will too! Seriously this is another show worth watching when you're hanging out with a friend or you just want to sit down and watch some garbage to take the piss out of and laugh.

This is apart of my watching the lowest rated shows and then recommending them to you no matter how terrible the thing. SO MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD (the film is so short it's practically impossible to not mention *some* form of spoiler)

A.F, now to be honest, this surprised me, it ended up being a fun watch even though it was really stupid.

Story: 5/10, honestly for a 15 minute short film - it ***HAS*** some form of a story. So bravo. Now as for whether said story is good? Eh, not so much. It follows you're very typical horror-sci-fi flick with your typical "alien" (in this case ... experimental lifeform) which attacks the crew and they have to fight/escape it. Now one thing that did make me smile (to be honest I was smiling throughout a lot of this hot garbage, which is impressive) was the fact that the "Captain"? (I assume) did what essentially no horror flick protagonist ***EVER*** does - he pulls out a gun and straight up extinguishes the first alien (who is disguised as a fellow crew member) instantly.

Sound: 4/10, it's not the **WORST** it's just not great either. It's fine for what it is, and considering how bad this "film" is, the sound is actually decent.

Animation: 4/10, okay. Cut the film some slack, it's old and CG animation was not nearly as good as it is today. That said... I can't fully give it a pass here, the animation is utter garbage and honestly looks terrible, the monsters/aliens look hilarious as shit though and for that reason it falls nicely into "so bad it's good".

Overall Enjoyment: Go watch it. It's 15 minutes long, is completely hilarious for what it is, again like most terrible shows it'd probably be better to watch with a friend or someone so you can both laugh your heads off at how crap this is, but yeah, go in without expectations and have a laugh. It's definitely one of the better garbage to consume.

If you've read this far: have a great day :>

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

To be frank, those four words sum up this show better than anything else could ever hope to. It has cannibalism, very odd almost incestuous moments between the main characters, has a "plot" that goes literally ***NOWHERE*** and ends on a episode that they pulled out their asses to explain... drumroll please... seriously... HOW THE MAIN GIRL GOT HER ***FUCKING*** HAIR PIN. I'm not even kidding, also one episode is literally just 3 minutes of the girl eating her brother... and it's really fucking horrible. So, why am I recommending this? Well I'll certainly tell you something, you watch this and you'll ... never rate anything lower than a 1 again! In other words, by watching something this GOD AWFUL you can enjoy other things far more! Also I'm convinced whoever fucking came up with this is not a real human, but instead a alien overlord sent here to weaken the human race before invasion.

Now onto the positives!
(insert FUCKING NOTHING)
And we're done with the positives!

Negatives!
- Literally has a story that goes FUCKING NOWHERE and is NEVER EXPLAINED! Because naturally, you understand where this random virus or whatever comes from called "Pupa" and you obviously understand why it turns people into freakish monsters that honestly upon seeing for the first time make you burst out laughing. And then vomit five minutes later when you see how ***FUCKING EXTREME*** the gore on this show is. Like no, I don't fancy seeing someone have their skin ripped off as they ***MOAN*** like they're in some FUCKING HENTAI!
- Animation, honestly... was not the ***WORST*** thing I've seen. But, I refuse to be generous and not slander everything in this show so I don't care. Also even giving this Violet Evergarden levels of animation would've only made things worse...
- Characters! Literally all of these characters (bar the main pair... maybe?) are complete mysterious, you watch this and you definitely start questioning your existence and why in the FUCK you watched it. But... that's the thing, in some sick twisted way, the show has achieved something! It's left you scarred, it's made an impression. Go ahead, name all those hyper generic seasonal isekai you've seen lately, you can't? Oh right, because they're all the same and super forgettable. NOW THIS! This will stick to you like gum on the bottom of your shoe, only instead of gum it's a freakish incestuous cannibalistic monster and her equally freakish regenerative brother!

So! Again, ***why*** would you watch this? I mean I've gone through all the terrible things about it, and now I'll say why even with all this shit it's worth a watch... literally, I don't care how you do it. Take shots everytime you see something disgusting (good luck getting through the first/maybe second episode), sit with some friends or stream online, because this unironically has potential to be the most vomit-inducing slop that you'll naturally want to share with those dear to you!

If you've read this, have a great day! (And if you do watch it, don't worry, we can go to therapy together)

Alright, let's quickly talk about Yugioh Chronicles. This show in a very short span of time has already garnered quite about of negativity in the single episode it has released. So this review is purely in place to suade you to the other side.

Have we got a story? No, not really. In the single 4 minute clip we essentially received nothing. Just a nicely animated fight scene with some voice acting, no lore, no explanation for anything. I'm certainly no expert, however I have played the game and I do enjoy the show from time to time so take this from a very casual yugioh ... fan. The PV (which mind you, is longer than a single episode??) was very well done and set us up for something extraordinary which so far has been failed to be delivered on. This review may very well fall into obscurity however, I think based solely on the animation and voice acting, such a short clip isn't going to damage you at all. It's nice to look at if nothing else and since it's not super long, you're not locking yourself into something. Am I hoping for better down the line? Absolutely. But, I think it'd be fair to allow the show a bit more time before we slander it to oblivion.